Today I went to the eye doctor to get my eyes checked (new contacts are needed asap!) However, today was not an ordinary visit to the Eye Doctor: I brought a friend with me. A special friend that visits me once a month to keep my vanity in check.My friend's name is Mr. Zit
Now Mr. Zit is not an ordinary zit, he is more like the "Elephant Man" zit.
Elephantitis of the zit.
But, you know what? That's life sometimes, so whatever! I'm over it.Except, the friendly receptionist is so appalled by my elephantitis that she can. not. stop. staring. at. It. I even have the gut feeling she wanted to look me in the eye, but could not physically remove her eyes from my chin…Poor thing.
This reminded me of a special experience I had in college long ago. I was taking Psychology from a dude with a slight comb-over, who wore Kelly Green pants and Huaraches with socks:
(I always ended up in the front of the class, so you know what that means: Here's your close up, Mr. Huarache!) If that outfit wasn't begging for a psychological evaluation, then I don't know what is…Just Kidding. I'm sure that man had a very sweet spirit. Also, if you like huaraches, I sincerely apologize to you.
So, anyway, we had a lab each week & he gave us an assignment to write a paper in groups of three. I was introduced to my two partners and, unfortunately for me, I had monster mouth (a cold sore) that day and it was literally consuming most of my chin, along with half of my mouth. These two girls could not stop staring at that thing. Couldn't tear their eyes away. I think what freaked them out even more was when I told them I had named my cold sore "Tony" and that "Tony" didn't appreciate people pointing fingers or staring at him…ok, so I didn't really tell them that, but that would have been AWESOME if I would have. Regrets…sometimes you have to live with them. Moving on, I dropped the class the next day…how much of a wimp am I? I was beyond embarrassed after that experience. I think I skipped school the rest of the week, too…Oh, monster mouth—why did we ever meet? You were the bane of my Psychology class!
14 comments:
I so wish you would have told them Tony doesn't like to be stared at. That would have been sweet. I went to a dermatologist when I was about 14 my 12 yr old brother came too. We went into the office and the dr. said "what are you here for?" (like it wasn't obvious) I said "For our big ol' zits." This poor woman about crumpled to the ground, she seriously had to sit down and fan herself saying "Oh my I have never heard it put that way before." Then throughout the appt. she had to keep stopping to gather her thoughts because she had never heard anything so offensive. Heavens my bro. and I were like lady you're in the zit business get over it. Oh and by the way that is one sick picture.
I love this song. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. The people in my office do not thank you though. I have been booty dancing all morning. Dang, I'm white. I am blessed with the ability to get a huge zit or cold sore everytime I get nervous or excited about something. School dances. My wedding. The list goes on, but I think you get the point.
zits are evil. evil is say!
Kristi, you crack me up EVERYTIME! LOVE your crazy NC-17 stories about zits, hairy men, etc! You're too good for the Molly's!
HAHAHA!!
If you give me $5 I'll remove your zit ASAP. Actually, I'll give YOU $5. Deal?
good grief. You should have told that lady she could POP IT if it meant she'd avert her eyes for one bloody second. HAVE AT IT SISTA!
oh, man your cold store saga totally cracked me up today.
From one cold-sore sufferer to another...(although you are WAY cooler than me cuz it NEVER occurred to me to NAME the little bast***s...)
I FEEL YOUR PAIN. deep.
kristi, i feel your pain. i get gargantuan cysts, not just little ordinary zits. i HATE when people stare. i'm constantly aware of it, thank you very much, cause it has its own heartbeat! i have asked people before if they want to touch it. and i hate people who don't get them, cause they look at you like you're dirty. like we don't do any & everything to try to avoid this humiliating situation. rage.
I am laughing so hard right now kristi!! you are hilarious!
hayley, you are on one today. you are killin me.
At least Mr Zit was on your chin and not between your eyes :o)
Holy crap all of you are crackin' me up! I can hardly breath, I'm laughin so hard. I'm there with you on the zits and the horrid cold sores. When my husband and I decided to sell our house and all our toys to go back to school I broke out in cold sores I had 2 on the top 2 on the bottom and 2 starting to grow on the inside of my bottom lip. They hurt so bad I could even eat. I was very stressed neddless to say. Blasted monsters!
Oh my gosh this is so funny!!! I never got any zits until I became an adult. What's with that? Those deep "underground" zits/cysts are the worst! Try rubbing an ice cube on it, it helps the swelling go down.
so this girl exaggerates. with hilarious results, but still. your zit. not that bad. you're so cute, it's not like it matters anyway.
Benzamycin....I didn't need it til I turned 22, but I freak out if I forget it when I go on vacation....It is prescriptive but it drys those babies out over night.
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