Hey, I finally finished Harry P. last night and I have to give it up to old J.K.…I never thought she would kill Hermione, Ron, Harry, all of the Weasley's + Voldemort, and then bring back Dumbledore and crown him King o' the Wizards, and a tyrant at that…she is one crazy lady.
And while I can fully appreciate the differences between fact and fiction, I have to argue that Voldemort actually does possess powers beyond Hogwarts and Diagon Alley. His powers actually reach into our world, as sure as I'm sitting in this chair.
I'll prove it:
Last night, Nolan thoughtfully brought me a glass of water as I was lazily draped on the bed, entranced by little Harry P. and his adventures. Now, his kindness is not so out of the ordinary, but when I looked more carefully at my "goblet of water," if you will, I noticed a tiny pebble at the bottom. In the faint light of my lamp, I could see letters etched in the tiny stone—something I had never before seen.
Then it occured to me at once, as if I had known this moment would take place my entire life: I had to drink the water to find out what was written on this precious pebble. Who knew what kind of horrors I would have to endure to read this message, but proceed I must.
Oh, how I wanted to call out to Nolan! I needed his strength and his advice, but simultaneously I realized this was something I must do on my own.
So, I pushed the cup to the edge of my lips and forced myself to drink that water, and continue to drink, even past the excruciating feeling of satiation. It was the only way.
Finally, as the bottom of the cup cleared, along with my mind, I reached my index finger into the goblet and slid the pebble ever so carefully up its sides until it was free.
Hoping against hope, I read the flashing words on my tiny pebble, "Feel the wrath of Voldemort."
As they faded, I felt something in my neck. It was irritatingly painful. And that's how I came to discover something called "Voldemort's Neck."
(Really? I got "Voldemort's Neck" from laying down weird as I read this for a whole week! Dadgum, he's one powerful wizard if he can pull that kind of mojo on a real person.)
7 comments:
Okay you are seriously so funny. I love your blog! Harry P was great!
i totally didn't get any of that, being an unofficial harry boycotter (boycottam?) but i'm quite sure it was hilarious. you always are.
Kristi you are a card. Maybe you could be a comedy writer for extra dough. :) My brother told me a friend at work was too cheap to buy Harry Potter so he read a internet copy. It was a lot like your opening. It was a fake and the kid spent all of his time reading it.
Too funny, writing is definately a talent for you. My writing is legible but awkwardly not understandable at times. This explains my short posts. I didn't get super satisfaction finishing the last book like I did with the others, maybe because this time it is truly over.
Hey Kris, Winnie fell for it. She said, that little turkey. I go to read her blog and she told me all about Harold's Potter. Kurt got a big kick out of it. Good times. Good times.
that was hilarious! loved it. glad you finished harry. i'm dying to talk about it with everyone.
OK here is what JK Rowling said happened after the book to all the characters:
SPOILER ALERT: Those who do not wish to know what happens to the characters after the book ends should stop reading here.
Rowling said the world was a sunnier, happier place after the seventh book and the death of Voldemort.
Harry Potter, who always voiced a desire to become an Auror, or someone who fights dark wizards, was named head of the Auror Department under the new wizarding government headed by his friend and ally, Kingsley Shacklebolt.
His wife, Ginny Weasley, stuck with her athletic career, playing for the Holyhead Harpies, the all-female Quidditch team. Eventually, Ginny left the team to raise their three children -- James, Albus and Lily -- while writing as the senior Quidditch correspondent for the wizarding newspaper, the Daily Prophet.
Harry's best friend Ron Weasley joined his brother, George, as a partner at their successful joke shop, Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Hermione Granger, Ron's wife and the third person of the series' dark wizard fighting trio, furthered the rights of subjugated creatures, such as house elves, in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures before joining the magical law enforcement squad. The couple had two children -- Rose and Hugo.
Luna Lovegood, Harry's airily distracted friend with a love for imaginary animals who joins the fight against Voldemort in the Order of the Phoenix, becomes a famous wizarding naturalist who eventually marries the grandson of Newt Scamander, author of "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them."
And what Muggle, or non-wizard, song would have been played at the funeral of Albus Dumbledore, the most brilliant and talented wizard the world had ever known?
"Surely 'I Did It My Way' by Frank Sinatra," Rowling told her fans, referring to the song "My Way," written by Paul Anka but popularized by Sinatra, among other singers.
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